


Jayne's Five Favorites

by toxic_corn



Category: Firefly
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-29
Updated: 2006-10-29
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxic_corn/pseuds/toxic_corn
Summary: These are a few of Jayne's favorite things!





	Jayne's Five Favorites

**Author's Note:**

> Written for annabelleofga.

1\. Boobies

 

“Hey, Riv?”

 

His girl looked up from reading her book. “Yes?”

 

“Uh, I got this idea. See, you know I love ya, right?”

 

“Yes.” She closed the book, setting it aside.

 

“And remember how you once said, you’d do anything for me?”

 

Her curious expression turned wary. “Yes.”

 

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’…” He handed her the magazine he’d been thumbing through, right to the marked page he’d been pondering for a few days. “Maybe once I get the platinum, you could-”

 

River stared at the page. “You want me to get a breast augmentation?!”

 

“It’s just an idea!”

 

The couch was cold and extra lumpy that night.

 

 

2\. Food

 

It was a half hour past supper time. But Mal said no one was gonna eat anything until they finished their work. So despite his belly rumblings, Jayne kept stacking crates. 

 

So gorramn hungry… he could eat a truckload of protein if he’d been offered it. Wouldn’t even need any spices to give it some taste, he was so hungry. 

 

Then for dessert he could eat that whole candy house from stories. 

 

“Jayne.”

 

He barely glanced up from his work, though he stiffened slightly at her voice. Since last night, she hadn’t said two words to him. It looked like she was ready to bury the hatchet, but she’d hurt his damn feelings that morning when he’d tried to apologize again and she’d looked right through him.

 

She didn’t say anything else and he kept on working. Finally, the curiosity got to be too much and he looked up. He was disappointed to find her gone.

 

Sighing heavily, he went to the stack to get another crate and found a plate of food there waiting for him, a little paper flower next to it.

 

He smiled and decided he’d give her a great big kiss next time he saw her.

 

 

3\. Alcohol

 

“Jayne, that’s enough,” River said, gently, trying to pry the bottle from his hand.

 

“But we’re celebratin’,” Jayne whined. “You ain’t mad at me no more and we finished the job ‘n… Mal di’nt get shot!”

 

Mal glared at him a moment and then turned back to his conversation with Zoe.

 

“If you don’t stop, you might not be able to perform later,” River said, hoping to scare him.

 

Jayne snorted out a laugh. “I’ll be able to, just you see. Lotsa performin’. Be performin’ so much yer not gonna be able ta walk fer a week.”

 

Simon blanched. “Could you never speak of that ever?”

 

“What? I sex yer sister, Doc. Deal with it.” He took another swig from the bottle and gave River a dopey smile. “I love ya, Riv.”

 

She sighed. “I love you too, Jayne.”

 

“’N I love yer boobs, too. Even if they’re kinda small. Know why?”

 

Everyone at the table looked horrified.

 

“Jayne, this really isn’t the place to-”

 

He leaned forward to loudly whisper, “Cuz I’m the only one who gets ta touch ‘em.” He glared at Mal. “So hands off!”

 

Mal dropped his head into his hands. “We can’t take him anywhere.”

 

River managed to get a good grip on the bottle and yanked it out of Jayne’s hands. He pouted but she remained resolute, handing it behind her to a random bar crawler who accepted it without any difficulty.

 

“I can just buy another,” Jayne said.

 

“Do it and you don’t get to touch my boobs again,” River retorted.

 

Jayne dropped back in his chair and sulked the rest of the evening, watching the bar with yearning.

 

 

4\. Guns

 

“Whaddya mean I can’t come along?” Jayne exclaimed.

 

“I just wanna go in, get the albatross her own pistol, and be done with it,” Mal said with exaggerated patience. “I can’t do that if you’re there wantin’ to try everything out.”

 

Jayne scowled. “I can just give her one o’ mine.”

 

Mal gave him a skeptical look. “You part with one o’ your girls? That’d be the day.”

 

“I could do it!”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah!”

 

Jayne stormed off to his bunk and ripped down the blanket hiding his arsenal. Which gun would suit his girl? Not Vera, of course. Lux was out of the question. Maybe Betty but she couldn’t be parted from Veronica. Maybe Meg? No, Debbie… nah, he couldn’t part with Debbie.

 

Gorramn Mal. Why the hell did he hafta be right all the time?

 

Slender arms wrapped around his neck and he resumed his pout.

 

“I should be there when you get yer first gun, not Mal.”

 

River sighed. “I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.”

 

He dropped his head back onto her shoulder. “Promise?”

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

He thought for a long minute. “Maybe I can give you a few pointers ‘bout what ta look for.”

 

“All right,” River said with a smile.

~*~

River got into the mule clutching a sheaf of papers.

 

“The hell is that?” Mal asked, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t need to bring a novel along.”

 

“It’s some advice Jayne gave me about choosing a firearm.”

 

Mal shook his head in disbelief.

 

“He’s very protective,” River said almost apologetically.

 

 

5\. Family

 

“Mommy’s sick?” Nettie asked after Jayne gently shook her awake.

 

“That’s right. I’m the one who’s gonna be gettin’ ya ready for today.” He reached into one of the dressers and pulled out a pink t-shirt and pair of overalls.

 

“I’m four, I can dress myself!” Nettie said, indignantly. 

 

“Oh. Sorry.” Jayne turned his back and waited until she told him it was all right to turn around again. “You big enough to do yer hair?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, c’mere.” He sat Nettie down in front of him and brushed out her long, thick dark hair and clumsily braided it. Strands escaped it and one braid was significantly bigger than the other but Nettie seemed happy enough.

 

“Thanks, Daddy!” she chirped and skipped out of the room.

 

“Oh honey,” he heard Kaylee outside. “Did you do yer own hair this morning? I can help ya.”

 

“No, Daddy did it, I’m okay.”

 

Jayne grinned a little to himself and went to check on his son. Jamey was still curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed, snoring a little.

 

He gave the boy a shake. “Time t’ get up, Baby J.”

 

Jamey moaned and curled up tighter.

 

“Time for ya to go out lookin’ for work, money isn’t goin’ to make itself ya know.”

 

That woke him up. “Huh?”

 

“Get up. You don’t want a cold breakfast, do you?”

 

“Maybe I like it cold,” Jamey mumbled.

 

“And maybe I want ya out of bed right now before I have to dump ya out of it myself.”

 

Jamey giggled. “You’d do it, wouldn’t ya?”

 

“You know it.”

 

Groggily, Jamey sat up and wiped the sleep out of his eyes. “Are ya gonna braid my hair, too?”

 

Jayne reached out and gave a lock of Jamey’s hair a tweak. “With these curls? We’d have a hell of a time.”

 

“Okay. Get out so’s I can get dressed.” Jamey went and stumbled over to the dresser, digging around for clothes.

 

When Jayne was confident that the little stinker wasn’t just gonna crawl back into bed again, he went to check on River.

 

“Still feelin’ bad?” he asked his wife, stroking her hair.

 

“Mmmph,” she said, pressing her face into the pillow.

 

“Need me ta get ya anything?”

 

“No,” was her muffled response.

 

“Okay. You ever do need anything,” he pointed at the walkie talkie he left on the bedside table and waved at her with the one he had in his hand, “you just call me, all right?”

 

“Yes,” she said, lifting her head. “Thank you for doing this, Jayne.”

 

“Hey, they’re my kids, too,” he said.

 

“Daddy! Jamey’s making fun of my hair!”

 

“Cuz it looks like a blind moose did it!”

 

“DADDY! Jamey just called you a blind moose!”

 

“Wh- _Pop_ did your hair?!”

 

Jayne winced while River giggled.

 

“Good luck, Jayne.”

 

He kissed her cheek and started up the ladder. “Yeah, I’m gonna need it.”

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> **thanks to icebreather for helping inspire the first one.


End file.
